During this time of major shifts and changes in the world it is important to remember some simple yet often easily overlooked things. Breathe. Slow down. Trust the process. Exercise, not just for your body but more importantly for your mind. Be kind to yourself.
Speaking personally, this year so far has brought a lot of change to my life, so much so that there are times when I stop and think about it I’m actually surprised I’m not down in a heap!
Lost my job.
Ended a relationship.
Moved house.
All of this happened within the space of a couple of months, one after the other. Any one of these would have been significant on their own but combine the three of them together and it feels like an avalanche of change, an avalanche of loss.
Losing my job meant more than just the loss of a regular income but the end of daily interactions with my loyal customers and more importantly my team. The end of working for a company that I was passionate about and the opportunity to lead a group of girls who I was so proud of and blessed to be surrounded by everyday.
Ending a relationship is never easy, but it is often harder when your partner is not a bad person, you just realise you have different values, different needs and ultimately want different things for your lives. I often feel like this pandemic just magnified the issues that were already there under the surface. Issues that now I was no longer at work and at home more often, I could no longer ignore.
And moving house, a bi product of ending a relationship when you live together. Letting go of a home I helped create, the security of a space to call my own, and all that comes with it including my four legged baby girl Lola who lit up my day and kept me company always.
In the economic climate that we are in and the state of the world today, it makes it that much harder to move forward from all of this, to get my life back “on track” so to speak. I can’t just find my own place, set up my things and start a new chapter without a job or steady income to fall back on. I am being forced to sit with these feelings of sadness and loss and actually grieve for a part of my life that was. And it is grief. It’s the response to the loss of a job, a relationship, and essentially a lifestyle that for a time made up who I was.
So for someone like me, who rarely does things in halves (clearly lol), and who has always worked and been self sufficient, this time has been a definite change and challenge for me, to let go, to accept what is and to trust that I am exactly where I need to be. One of my favourite quotes from one of my mentors is “All growth happens outside of your comfort zone” and I tell ya, Im way out of my comfort zone at the moment.
There are many things out of my control right now but what I can control is my mind, my thoughts and how I spend my days. I recently had someone point out to me that I’ve never been in a situation like this before, not working etc, and she also said it was ok for me to stop, to slow down and to not always feel like I have to be doing something. How many of ya’ll have struggled with this? Whilst I have been actively looking for work, checking job sites daily and sending off applications, I have kept this point in the back of my mind and have allowed myself the time to just be.
Spending the afternoon reading a book, a simple pleasure yet one that the often busyness of the day to day doesn’t allow. At times of uncertainty and emotion, remembering to breathe, taking in long slow breaths through the nose and exhaling out through the mouth, just being present in this moment and not worrying about the future. Getting my butt to the gym every morning, to start off my days with purpose and waking up the body and mind with some healthy exercise. It’s so important at times like this, to keep active rather than just fall into a heap. That doesn’t help anything.
And most importantly for me, surrounding myself with people that offer unconditional love and support, who don’t make me feel like a burden, who are there for conversations, company and a glass or two of wine. People that encourage my dreams, are proud of what I’ve overcome and see potential in me that at times I don’t see in myself.
“Ruin is the road to transformation” as Liz Gilbert once said, and I know that this time will not last forever. Despite moments of overwhelm I have faith that the Universe is steering me in another direction, in all facets of my life, to allow me to not only live the life of my dreams but to become the person I am destined to be, that has long been hidden behind other responsibilities and expectations. In time, it is coming.
So Bonitas, trust what is, lean into the discomfort, remember to breathe and most importantly be kind to yourself.